Imagine that life is a buffet full of delicious and nutritious food – all your favorites. What would happen if you tried to put all that good food on your plate at once? Textures and flavors would blend together becoming less savory and more watered down, and possibly even unpalatable. This is what happens to your life when you overfill your metaphorical plate in the form of work, family obligations, volunteer activities, church, school, social time, etc. All excellent ways to spend your time, but can become the proverbial, “too much of a good thing.” Each individual experience, responsibility, or relationship loses its distinction, its flavor, thus becoming less satisfying. But how do you cut back?
Your body will tell you when you’ve taken on too much. The stress of overload may manifest in your shoulders, stomach, back, head, neck, or overall muscle tension. Once you’ve learned to become attuned to your unique somatic signs that your body is stressed by an overly demanding schedule it is time to make the difficult decision of what you can take off your plate, even though everything on it is good. Remember the buffet? You cannot keep everything good thing on your plate and still have a good life. Finding a balance between self-care, other-care, and responsibilities in general requires significant assessment of one’s choices. Take into consideration your temperament, goals, habits, physical health, and obligations as you prune your schedule. Unfortunately, busy people often prioritize their own needs last. It’s the good Christian thing to do, right? Actually it’s not.
An influential Christian mystic from the Middle Ages, Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, believed that self-knowledge leads us to God because we are created in His image. Bernard delineated love into four degrees, the highest degree being the fourth. They are as follows:
1. Loving ourselves for our own sake. This kind of love might take the form of exercise, good nutrition, etc.
2. Loving God for our own sake. “Yeah God! You’re so good to me.”
3. Loving God for God’s sake. “Yeah God! You are awesome!”
4. Loving yourself for God’s sake. Out of love for ourselves, allowing ourselves to become part of the divinity of God. This kind of self-love doesn’t occur deep in the distractions of business.
But why should we love God? Bernard addressed this question as well.
1. Because God gave Himself to us
2. Because God gave the gift of the natural world to us
3. Because God gave the gift of ourselves to us
Our life is a gift to us from God. Now imagine that you gave a precious gift to a dear one and the gift was mistreated and unappreciated. Enough said. Busyness rarely has anything to do with love, especially over an unnaturally prolonged period of time. It’s not loving others when it is about duty or pride in our competence. It’s not loving ourselves when we live as though our life is not important, only other’s lives matter. Indeed, Jesus said to love other as we love ourselves. Love yourself enough to say “no”. Keep a balance between being overly self-sacrificial and overly self-indulgent. In finding the middle ground you’ll find good health, peace, and a deeper appreciation for yourself and others.