Loss of a loved one, be it family, friend, or pet, is one of life’s most difficult experiences. Accepting and adapting is a process of incremental changes.

Realization of who is left, (loved ones still there, and sometimes those added after the loss), instead of focusing solely on the lost loved one can be helpful. This is not to diminish the need for mourning the loss, but this is to prevent getting stuck in that backward focused sorrow.

The loved ones in your life can be seen collectively as an orchestra playing a symphony. The richness in variety of instruments makes the music beautiful. Besides there being many kinds of instruments in an orchestra, there may also be many instruments of a specific kind. However, each individual instrument is different, making a unique sound. Each musician is also different, their ears hear differently, they remember things differently, they have different preferences, their personality is unique, making their perception and their emphasis in contributing to the music distinctive.  (Think of how each of your friends’ friendship adds richness to your life in its own singular way.)

So, when a musician leaves the orchestra, the music is subtly changed. Something is subtracted from the whole that is irreplaceable in its essence. But new musicians can come and add to the music in their own unique way. The musical arrangement may even change, as events and experiences in this dynamic life change. The music is still beautiful if you appreciate what you are experiencing now instead of longing for the previous beautiful music.

It is the same when someone we valued leaves our life. They can never be replaced. What they brought to your life experience was distinctive to them. But life is still good, despite the loss. The music is still beautiful. People are still there, some familiar, some new. See them, hear them, appreciate them, and value them. Be open to the richness each brings.

By Lauren Reiter LCSW