In the time of Jesus, the Jewish culture adhered to the principle of “an eye for an eye”. This meant that if someone else injured you in any way, such as accidentally killing your ox, you had the right to kill his ox. The punishment should fit the crime, a tit for tat. But, carried to an extreme, it meant that every offense allowed for retaliation in kind, even slight and/or unintentional offenses. While vengeance may be culturally and legally allowed, actually living like this is exhausting and a diversion from our God-given purpose. So, Jesus recommended turning the other cheek, giving grace instead of revenge.

Another perspective is that in the time of Jesus, submission to abuse dispensed by the oppressive Roman regime was a good idea because the Romans, like oppressive governments throughout history, were not intimidated by solitary acts of rebellion. In fact, they welcomed direct defiance on an individual level so they could respond aggressively and punitively, thereby subduing the populace by example. Conversely, some Bible scholars interpret Jesus’ recommendation as advocating passive resistance Gandhi or MLK style, it being the only way the Jewish people could stand up for themselves against the Romans.

Unfortunately, this scripture has been commonly misinterpreted to mean that Christians should submissively accept abuse from others. But, Jesus’ recommendation did not mean submit to abuse in personal relationships today, no matter who the source of abuse, be it mom, dad, sister, brother, son, daughter, husband, wife, boss, or anyone else. Your life is a valuable gift. Treasure it. Proverbs 4:23 advocates “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The emotionally closer the relationship, the more potential for heartbreak. This is why people often will not admit to themselves that they are being abused until they have lost any conception of who they are. Even then, in many instances, they agree with their abuser that they are the problem rather than lose the relationship.

This is not a matter of judging and rejecting others, it is a matter of discernment. There are a multitude of online articles that may be a good reference to help you recognize if you are a victim of such abuse. The dynamics can range from quite subtle, like gaslighting and turning others against you, to criminal, such as threatening bodily harm. But one of the best ways to detect the health of the relationship is to evaluate how you feel about yourself, others, and life when interacting with this person. If you repeatedly feel less than or not enough somehow, scared or insecure, or hopeless, listen to what your inner barometer is saying about the character of your relationship.

These oppressive relationships are about breaking your spirit to pressure you to defer to another’s control. If you choose to stay in a relationship, any relationship, in which you are repeatedly minimalized or dehumanized, you are missing out on the purpose and meaning of your life. Because abusers almost never change, not unless they are forced to by external circumstances. Choosing them over your own welfare makes you complicit in the harm done to your well-being. What’s more, due to the way the brain responds to threatening situations, victims of abusive relationships spend a lot of time focusing on the dynamics of the relationship rather than utilizing their time and energy making a positive difference in their own and others lives.